They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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