i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
