i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
