never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
