I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
