You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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