summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
