So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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