I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
