I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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