I wish my penis had an off switch
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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