Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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