i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
