So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
