Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
