he puts the penis in happiness.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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