If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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