none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
are you so shy because you have an std?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
