She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Buhtt sex?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
