I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
