The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
