I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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