I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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