If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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