Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize