I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
