my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
