I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
