I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
