I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
