Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
