I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize