I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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