I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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