five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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