Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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