There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
