I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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