My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
