His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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