If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
