I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
