I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
