you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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