Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
