Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
