please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
