Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
