We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
