wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
