Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
