Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i drank out of a bidet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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