There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
