So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
