He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
