While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
