My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
