Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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