You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
