Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
