In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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