I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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