are you still at the devil's house?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I did not marry a roomba.
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